Reverb Prompt 21 Future Self

Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Five years from now, I am a homeowner. My oldest daughter is a successful college freshman and my youngest daughter is in kindergarten. My husband and I are more in love than ever. Most importantly, I am teaching in a spiritual capacity. My future self would advise the following:

"Dear L,

Stay true to yourself. Don't let other people's perceptions of reality mess with your head. You will not remain a middle school teacher forever. As a matter of fact, once you break out of your shell and start really putting yourself out there, you will attract the spiritual teachers/like-minded individuals that you so desperately crave. Do something to make yourself happy everyday. Always live with intention."

Ten years ago, I was entering the second half of my sophomore year in college. I was very insecure about my place in college. I was still trying to sort out a dysfunctional relationship with my oldest daughter's biological father. I had an abortion. I had no real sense of what it meant to be a woman. Here's what I would tell my former self.

"Dear L,

Although college may seem like the hardest thing you've done so far, you'll look back on these years with fondness in your heart. Yeah, your family is crazy, and you did not grow up with a lot of resources, but you've earned your seat. You deserve all the success and accolades that come your way, and more. You will travel, complete an amazing project that will put you in touch with one of your heart's desires, and will meet your future husband.

Your oldest daughter will grow from being a bratty spunky kid to being a headstrong opinionated teenager who just so happens to have two loving parents that will go to the ends of the earth for her.

The abortion, while necessary during that time, will do more damage to your psyche and your body than you realize. You will beat yourself up over the fact that you even got pregnant again, especially given the fact that the baby may not have even been his. Though he cheated on you, you will guilty for exploring other options. He had a hold on you that took a long time to break.

However, you do heal. Eventually, you become pregnant again and everything is right. You are married, have benefits, a decent job, and most importantly, feel thankful for another opportunity to be a mommy again.

While the pregnancy will be relatively uneventful, the birth will be quick and intense. Later, the doctor will tell you that you had a hole in your uterus and will show you a picture of it.

You will inspire young minds. You will see your mother become clean and stay clean (this time for good). You will know your worth as a woman. Everything will happen according to God's plan."

This has been so cathartic typing this out!